It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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