i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
