M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
