now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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