she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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