like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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