you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
