Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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