Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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