ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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