In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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