Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
