I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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