I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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