just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
