I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
