How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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