I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
