can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
