Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ttyl tear gas
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
