If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
