there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He? As in you personified your dick?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
