Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
