So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
