Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
