We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Panties = found
Randomize
