He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
