Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
