Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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