i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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