Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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