On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
