I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
