the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize