my room smells like sperm. sweet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
