He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
