there's paper in my vomit.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
