you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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