three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
