Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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