Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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