I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
