she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
