Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
