Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
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Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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