I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
