i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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