i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
