Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you win again, gameday.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
