Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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