Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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