The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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