Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
