i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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