I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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