Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it's not cheating when I paid for it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
