This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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