You're my little dorito
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
