you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I won the penis lottery.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
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He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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