Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
