You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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