if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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