perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
where does the pee come out of this thing
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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