He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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