Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
