at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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