He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
