i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
