I'm laying in your front yard are you home
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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