Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
