It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
