If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
