I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there's paper in my vomit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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