How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
