heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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