I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
