Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize