I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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