Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
