a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
